–crater lake, OR, USA, 2008-10, S. Chedal
see all of Sebastian’s new photos of crater lake
You know those mornings when you wake up and you just feel like you have been dreaming in a good place? Mine right now are full of psychic action, super powers and ambition.
(A siren stirs drifting questions)
Fall has properly come to us now. The trees are all lighting up in explosions of red, yellow, orange and gold. The air has a chill to it, its fresh and still very dry – despite what everyone tells me I should be experiencing, my face still does not bare any droplets of moisture. – sun beams brightly, in wooden textures of buttery gold. Rainbows scatter among our plants where I sip warm licorice.
From many waking-dreams: medical non-profit coverage, an art-game-collaborative idea with my friend Ullika, making art, making music and PlantSoft, things seem to be narrowing down further and further.
Every essence of me wants one of these to succeed more than any other; and that’s PlantSoft [our gardening software project]. It’s the only goal in my life right now where I can see the potential for my work to make a difference – but to get us to where we need to go, which is now clearly funding, this requires a new impetus of effort; and that is taking time, and sadly – though this is the way it is – my other projects are freezing like the first ice crystals of winter well before the ice caps of our beloved Mt. Hood extend their domain hither.
Writing a business plan is a new experience for me; and it’s teaching me what marketing is really about: Not the "icky"-marketing I always associated with the term, but the good kind: knowing people’s needs, projecting costs to expenditures, making market projections… all of these things so that your idea has the best chance of success and also to ensure that what you make is indeed something that people want.
Now I’ve never written a PHD, but writing a business plan feels like one! It’s now 30 pages long and I still need to do a ton of research to support the ideas, claims, finances and financial projections I am proposing! And I’m sure it will at least double in size before it is done…
Ultimately I hope this work is fruitful. Nothing would please me more than to know that the work I am doing is fully towards something I am not only good at, but something I can believe in.
I need to keep two words in my mind:
* Passion *
* Perseverance *
The world, and friend’s like Ada have shown me that’s the only two things you really need.
This is where my vision is narrowed. All else seems to fall to the way side right now as I hone in on my purpose.
And a hawk picks off the swift.
Beyond this (to where the squirrels race past my windows every morning with a new batch of chestnuts) it is a newness for me to be in a stable relationship. It is a goodness, it feels nice to have that consistent love in my life.
Like the migrant geese who triangulate over our tall spaghetti city bridges, I just bought my plane tickets for December. I am flying to London, Amsterdam and Tel Aviv between the 19th of December and the 19th of January. I don’t know what to expect from my journey but I do feel like it will be challenging, fun, trans-formative, educational, sad and joyous all at once – if not more.
My routine is getting better. It is a joy to be in a good home now, but I notice that I’ve reverted again to being a hermit. It is odd how I fluctuate through the years between the socially-minded-outdoor-adventure-traveler and then the introverted-computer-typing-creative; but perhaps this is just my nature.
My blessings go out to my mother, who is back in Amsterdam – but still strugling to find a place to live. I hope you can find a stable home soon, and root again into peace – as you deserve.